Reframing Divorce as a Path to Freedom
The year 2020 brought clarity—I finally left a deeply unhealthy marriage, just one week shy of 41 years. In 2021, I found liberation through divorce. And by 2024, I experienced a sense of final deliverance as I emerged from the depths of traumatic healing. Through these years, I’ve spent countless hours pondering and studying what makes a marriage thrive. One surprising realization emerged: I am a staunch advocate of divorce when it’s necessary.
This past holiday season, I gathered with friends and extended family in Tampa, including my brother and his wife visiting from Sweden. Among us were eight couples: six had divorced and remarried, one married later in life and remains in his first marriage, and one—my aunt and uncle, now in their 90s—have never divorced. As I listened to their stories, one theme stood out: the six who had divorced were unequivocally glad they had done so. Each spoke of the profound happiness they found in their second (one is on the third) relationships and affirmed that the emotional and financial challenges of divorce were worth it. Life on the other side, they said, exceeded their expectations.
Though I’m not one of the eight couples (not married—yet; I still hold hope!), I, too, know that my divorce was crucial for my well-being and worth every effort. Reflecting on their experiences and my own, I’m reminded of an old saying:
“The truth shall make you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
Accepting the truth of a failing marriage is excruciating—I know, as I lived in denial for many years. Divorce is rarely easy. It’s expensive, emotionally draining, and often fraught with accusations and obstacles from the spouse being left. But in many cases, those very challenges reinforce the need for the divorce.
The reality is that marriage takes work—equal effort from both partners. When that balance doesn’t exist, the result can be physical, emotional, and mental harm to the more invested spouse, not to mention the impact on children. Over these past four years, and especially during this holiday season, I’ve come to a bold conclusion: divorce should be viewed as just as important and valid as marriage. Unfortunately, societal norms, cultural pressures, and religious stigmas have long cast divorce in a negative light, leaving many people trapped in destructive relationships. It’s time we start reframing the conversation around divorce, recognizing its role not as a failure but as a path to freedom, healing, and eventual happiness.
Imagine a world where marriages are entered into and sustained not out of fear or obligation but from a place of genuine love and connection. By removing the stigma around divorce, we create a space where:
- Marriage is a Choice, Not a Sentence Without fear of judgment, couples can approach marriage with the understanding that it’s a partnership chosen every day, not an obligation to endure indefinitely. This fosters an environment of appreciation and effort, as both partners know they’re together because they want to be.
- Conflict is Addressed Proactively When divorce isn’t demonized, couples may feel freer to seek help for their issues, whether through therapy, counseling, or personal growth. Knowing that leaving is a viable option encourages addressing problems head-on rather than ignoring them.
- Unhealthy Relationships Don’t Persist Without stigma, individuals can leave toxic or harmful marriages without fear of societal judgment. This shift prioritizes well-being over appearances and encourages healthier, more authentic lives.
When we remove the stigma, divorce becomes not an act of failure but one of courage, freeing individuals to seek healthier, more fulfilling lives. It’s time to acknowledge that sometimes, the most loving and courageous choice is to part ways—a step toward greater honesty, growth, and alignment with one’s values.
Ready for Part 2? Click here: Part 2
Please note: I use the word “marriage” to indicate that two people are in a committed relationship.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: I’m a proud affiliate for some of these tools and products that are suggested on this page and throughout my site. If you click on a product and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. My recommendations are based on knowledge and experience and I recommend them because they are genuinely useful, not because of the small commission I may receive |
1 Comment